Writing as my Savior

Hello my faithful reader and my random readers,
Apologies to those that have waited for me to post something.
I have not done any proper blog post.
(as if I'm so famous, but I'm dedicating them to my beloved friends)

Last semester was somewhat stressful to me.
I have been more stress than I usually am.
I finally pissed off my classmates.
I blow apart,
I kept my distance from the world,
Broke down a couple of times.

I have a penpal from London...
err... wait...
Well, all I can say she's from England.
She might be the reason I stopped posting but no.
Replying to her requires once in a while,
but blog, I usually do daily if possible.

All I wanted to say about her is that,
she has been the one I'm channeling my stress to.
Not a very nice thing to do but somehow,
writing it down works better.

I'm an introvert.
I can't express myself well verbally.
I am timid and small,
The world eat me up.

Writing is how I scream to be remembered.
Writing is me speaking,
Writing is me standing up.
Writing is me.

As you can read the past post are all depressing,
So I'm going to try again.
I'm going to share my day with all of you.
With or without readers,
I'll survive.

A Picture She shared me, A Dandelion by her doorstep

That is all from me, 

eanaa is signing out from this post 

The End

Sharing Some Stuff ~

Good Day ~
Readers and Walkers ...


I once read on Facebook,
a friend of mine wrote in Chinese,


"If you can not be a pencil to write people's happiness,
Then be an eraser and erase their sorrows"


Something like that.


There is also a request for Disney that has been spreading on the net.
"Disney should make make a Princess with no hair
so that every little girl who's fighting cancer
can feel beautiful,"


I like it...


There are many words.
but words stays word when no one did anything.
Honest to say,
I have no confident in myself.


How I survived?
I am curious myself.
I wonder if I am just a ticking bomb.


Can I keep going on with my life like this?
Reading praises in my blog made me happy.
but I am just sharing my mind.


I can't speak out loud my mind,
so I write them out loud.
I am just like all of you,
Trying to survive what is called "LIFE".


In Youtube,
lots of people sharing their feelings
using monologue.
You should know what I mean...
but me? Shall I make one?
maybe.. one day.


I have a dark time growing up.
No one knows how I feel,
I never told anyone.
Now, I am trying to call out to you...


I don't want to go and live my life so emptily.
I don't want this dark side of me take over.
I want someone.
I want to meet someone,
that would come to me and says,


"Girl, you're gonna be alright.
You're gonna be fine...
You are stronger than you know,
Keep on living your life,
I know you can do it,"


If it is a guy,
Surely he would be the love of my life.
If it is a girl,
I would look up to her.


Can I not hear something like that?
Am I not worth it?
It scares me thinking like that...
I just want someone to reach out to me,
and say those words...


and I don't want to hear about God and stuff.
I know God is real,
I know life is the challenged God gave us.
I just want someone...
That I could hear and touch ..
Someone that I could see...


God made me live on but
Can't I just ask for someone?
Just someone to keep me believe in the reasons for living?!


This is me...
and I kept saying this over and over...
I am just a human,
I got needs and feelings.
I can live on with my faith in God..
but I cannot help myself to run away from everyone...


Sorry, but hey,
thanks for reading till the end.
This post is just some girl that still looking for herself...

Confession mode.

Hey Readers.

I like him but he never likes me back.

I remember those days where everything is rose colored.

Knowing him was the best thing.

That feeling like butterflies in you stomach.

That happiness only he could create.

I want that feeling again.

He was my first love.

A pure love.

Though it was unrequited,

It was enough for me.

I remember seeing his face made me blush.

Made me extremely happy.

When I could not see him,

I would feel down.

Stole from Facebook Long time ago. Sorryy !!

Sad and unhappy.

My world revolve around him that time.

Even my friend knows he could cheer me up.

He is the only one that made me feel like that.

Now, it has fade.

Still, I lingers around him.

I want that feeling again.

I want that again but alas...

It can never come true.

I hope...

One day, I will find someone,

that will make me feel the same way you did.

Though you did nothing,

I am grateful that I met you.

Thank you, Syart ~ 

A New Me

Hello,
I remembered a cousin of mine asks me,
Why don't I wear Hijjab?
It is an Arab word for a cover that Muslim women uses.
Search in Wiki, For-Crying-Out-Loud...


My mother side of family has a strong hold of their believes in Islam.
But me,
I am not so much.


That is why,
It is already a new year for Muslims.
And I have a new determination.
Will write in another post.


May I be guided to a better life as a Muslim.


P/s : Looking for someone that has a good knowledge about Islam to answers lots of question.
And If You are reading this, Cousin... I hope its you :P [so I don't have to look so far away].

This is a Hijjab ...

That is all from me, 

eanaa is signing out from this post 

The End

Losing Faith

Have you ever stare back to the past.
Thinking that you once knew,
where you were going?
Thinking that "This is it"...


I tried to live my life.
I tried to be strong,
but in the end...
I too, need to yell it out.


I want someone,
to reach out.
Telling me,
"You're gonna be fine".
Are those word hard to say?
Am I unworthy of those words?


I have started losing faith,
faith in myself,
which make me go on,
which make me be strong,
now?


I'm scared.
I'm worried.
I'm tired.


.........................

I know... I know...

I'm tired of living...
I'm tired of everything...
I know what's right what's wrong..
but everything seems to be falling apart..
I had breakdown.
I'm tired...


I know ...
live is full of obstacle but please !!
can't I have one person say it to my face !
that I'm gonna be fine.
I'll survive.
I can live through this and I shouldn't worry..


Those are the words that I truly wants.
but not once,
anyone told me something similar.


They kept telling to be brave,
they kept telling is because God loves me.
The kept telling me this,
but I ALREADY know that !
I already know that...
I just don't know ...
will I be ok?

The Battle of Eanaa.

Hey guys,


so she said I like him.
I can't believe that.
I don't actually know what to believe in.
Maybe I do?
but I don't really feel anything for him.
Maybe I don't?
Could be just an illusion.
I don't know.


I have taken a liking to him since ...
that day.
after that I like and like.
the stopped thinking about him.
but then he led me on again.
I don't know what now.
Is this alright.
I'm going crazy.
I wanna hate him.
but it's feels so wrong.
I wanna fall again.
but not with him...


What is this?
What should I do.
This is so problematic.
Maybe it's true I don't.
but she says I do.
but she is not me.
so I say I don't.
Why do I feel like I'm lying to myself?
Am I lying to myself?
What is wrong with me.


More importantly...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?

(o.O)---o Gothic Clothing o---(O.o)

Heyya Readers and Stalkers!
Sorry, won't be putting any emoticons (again)...

Well,
yesterday we went EVERYWHERE.
My leg hurts and and and 
My throats hurts and I have a light headache.
Feel like puking ...


Btw ,
I told some people about,
my mufti day NEXT year.
I'm gonna wear Gothic style dress.
At the Berjaya Times Square,
The one that I didn't go in,
it's too darn scaaaarrryyyyy,
the entrance is like a cage like....
and the name of the shop has a spider webs,
I shuddered thinking of going in.
It's name is i-Socks.
So I went to another one,
also i-Socks.


It looks an ok scary but still,
I was stunned for a moment,
My big bro ask me if I'm scared of it.
Yeah...

So I was like choosing stuff,
asked them how to use,
bla bla bla.
And then,
BAM !
big bro show me one dress,
it's like a normal clothing,
full sets with tie and belt,
look very nice.
I fell in love.


I told mum I want it for next year,
I don't want anything else.
Not even new pants or new cloth,
just that one and it's price is,
RM137 ~ it's considered cheap.
The clothes there worth a 100++.
Mine[that I bought] suppose to be RM200++,
but I got it RM99 + RM20 accessory.
So It was great because it's within my budget.


Only me and my big bro know what dress that I want.
hehe !!
Totally in love with it...
I want it . I WANT IT !!


To be honest,
I like black...
I don't like colorful things,
even if I buy color T's,
it has to be one color,
and it's blue.
My color is BLACK[though its not a color],
sometimes black and white.


Truth be told,
I have always,
ALWAYS been in love,
with Gothic designs.
They look nice and cute !
Some people find it scary,
I find it fashionable.
but I don't like to be labeled Gothic,
or anything else.


Anyways,
That's all for this post.
P/s: the only problem to me with Goth is Goth clothes has crosses ...


See Ya !

What-is-This ?

Today is a sunny-cloudy day but still
Good Day Readers !


I have been avoiding on writing a post.
It is because I don't know what to say .
Well I have something to talk about.
I'm still not to sure but here we go !
Today, I went to the writing competition .

I wrote about ;
[WARNING; Do Not Steal Idea]

• twin dies
• heart close
• met girl
• open up
• girl got brain cancer
• girl go hospital
• boy can't accept
• boy ran away
• boy met man
• man say wise word
• boy realize he's stupid
• went back
• girl look at him
• girl finally dies
• girl funeral filled with ♥ ones
• boy disappear with no trace
• The End.

What do you guys think?
Sad ending yeah yeah .
No resolution ? not really..
Pretty dull? I did my best to make interesting..


I saw the other three write's about 5 pages long.
Ouch ! 
I only wrote about 3 pages long !
I feel so horrible right now .
There are only 4 people joined.
I probably be in the last place.


Anyways continue on...
I bought a mooncake for someone.
Well you try and guess.
Sure you'll get it right.
Can't wait to give Nadia her gift the day after tomorrow .


Oh ! I saw an old schoolmates + old classmate.
They know me instantly.
One of them was smoking.
Yuck  ! Gonna tell Izi about that. . .
That's all for today guys !
Bye !!

^o^ The Sound of a Voice ^o^

How do you do today readers?


Let's talk about voice.
I use to talk to Syahiirun on the phone.
For some reasons,
Hearing his voice makes me calm.


We always have an empty chat
but it was worth a while.
His voice is really cool.
Hehe ..


Eric always dj-ing in some website.
He has a sweet voice.
I like to listen to him when he talks.
Cute face + cute voice . haha.
He got an admirer saying,
she likes his voice !


I seriously in love with Eric's voice.
Hey Eric !! Be mine !! ♥

^o^ What's My Cute Nickname ^o^

No connection to the post ! ;p [Miss Oren]

Dear you,

My nickname at school is Leyna.

Yes, yes I heard you calling.

But I rather hear you call my cute nickname.

Given from Fatin to me.

Wanna know what?

It's Dheyna !

Seriously, if you can't pronounce eanaa..

Just call me Dheyna.

Anyways...

For those who don't know what I'm talking about,

Let me start the tale.

Setting; In school, during Recess

When I was going back to my block.

[I went to my friends block]

A few of them was hanging in front of their class. [I meant many]

He saw me first.

He became stupefy[not sure why tough].

He told his friends I was there.

[I was on the ground floor and they were in 1st floor high].

His friend pull his body far as he could on the veranda.

Just wanting to look at me? [I know I'm cute ..]

So I was almost near them.

They call my name !

Damn ! [not my nickname ..]

I got scared because it's too many of them !

So on my right side was the science biology lab.

Coincidently, my old pal from elementary and still is my pal, Izi using 'em.

His class did not go back to class during recess.

I took my body away from their visions.

Pretend asking Izi for "belanja"

And stayed on the right side till I've managed to get under them.

They can't see me now do they ?

I don't mind you want to call me.

But can you call me with my cute nickname so that everyone use it?

Just kidding.

That nickname is expansive.

So just keep on calling me that thank you.

P/S ; Aen , are you joining them too ?!

=-= I need Milo O'Peng =-=

xX A Habit Of Mine Xx

Dear you,
I have a habit that is really weird.
Every time you are there,
I must look at your face.
It is not because of you.
It is only because when I have strong feelings for you,
I love staring at your adorable face.


I am not sure how to kick this habit
but I'm hoping you won't be affected by it.
Because I have a fear
that every little things I did,
you would always noticed.
But it is just me being 'perasan'.

I'm sure you won't come to me and say,
"Hey, I like you"
because you always get serious
when it comes to your assignment.

Did you know?
Old Habits Die hard.
So the habit of seeing your face
is going to die hard.
So I'll ask nicely.
Please avoid me like you used to.
That have always been why I stopped being around you.
Because your face is just so irresistible to look at.


Anyways, I like you.
But I don't want you.
So Please Stay Away.

xXThis is MeXx

My weakness .

every person has their own weakness . my weakness seems to be disgusting others even my close and best friend . one has shown me my weakness and also opened my eyes to the reality which is the one I have been avoiding . that is , my friend dislike me or should I say hate me . this is all because of my weakness . I am sorry to have a weakness since I am just a human being that God has created . I could list their weakness but their weakness always the one that made me stood by their side . I have always helped them when they are in need but when I am in need , I have nobody . It became me against the world . I am really sorry for being a normal human being that have feelings and attitude . I am a nonentity to you all but to me I am something that God has created . Why else would God wanted to create some nonentity that has nothing . if you don't except someone with weakness it means that you don't except yourself . I changed my nickname since I wanted to start over but I know I will messed up . I am telling you all , sorry for having a weakness like all other human being . Sorry for making you hate me for my weakness . Sorry for the lies you have to make in front of me since you hate me . Sorry again for being an imperfect human being as you are too . this is me . and I love myself as I loved you all . I guess not every good thing will be return in good way . even you all forget what I have done , I have no regrets because . . . I am God creation . that is why I can make my weakness disappear but a new weakness will still appear . 
=-= I am Dheyna =-=