Standing Alone

Hey Readers,

You gonna hate me for making this post. 

Once again, I am utterly depressed. 

Its 12am and I really want to call my mother. 

To tell her I want to quit studying. 

To tell her I cant handle this. 

To tell her I never wanted to study. 

To tell her I hate interacting with human involving emotions 

I am suit for this course only because I would do what my job needs me to. 

I socialize when needed. 

I hate others. I hate humans. 

I once said 'I would like to write a letter to those I care and just disappear'

There was only one person in my mind. 

It was my mum. 

I want to let her know. To tell her not to worry. I'll be fine, I just need sometime alone. 

I wont write to my friends. 

I cant really cry to anyone. 

Searching my phone for a number. 

The effort all went in vain. 

I called my high school friend but she's so far. 

She can't help me.

I cried to Allah but He's not replying me. 

Oh Allah, I am just a mere slave. 

You create me with a feeling that I need someone's warmth. 

But none are giving it to me. 

I know, tawakkal. Allah is there for you. 

But Allah wont give me the warmth I need. 

The pat in my head telling me I've done good. 

He would be watchig as I try to get through this. 

Am I able to?

I am standing alone with Allah as my watcher, protector and guider. 

There are times when I feel that Allah is the only one that loves me and cares for me. 

Where is my other half?

Where is my saviour?

Where is my salvation?

I do not even love myself...

I can handle the stress. 

But I cannot handle it when someone makes it seems as if I am not doing anything. 

As if I am at fault. 

Yes, I admit, I delay in doing everythig. 

But because I do not handle stress well. 

This is the moments I need my mother most. 

But I do not want to disturb her. 

Its late. And ...