Suffocating

Hey Readers...
It's creepy moody post with eanaa!!!
(with that annoying game show tone)

Basically eah,
Stop reading if you don't want to get depressed.

Have you ever felt boxed in or imprisoned.
That's how I felt like most of my life.
I am thus reminded once again why I hated home.
It's suffocating here.

I'm not talking about child abuse or family feuds,
there's none.
It's just that moment,
where life turns dull,
Your chores bores you but when you're done,
here you are,
staring at the computer screen...
Reading manga(varies depends on persons)

I hate it and it's suffocating me.
I'm being left with my thoughts running wild.
Too wild.
Too lonely.
Save me..

My mum hated the fact that I daydream,
back when I was in high school.
Daydreaming was my way out.
Daydreaming is how I breathe.
I can't breathe in this house.

I thought home was your safe place,
but right now, like always,
home is a prison.

Still, when I'm away all I think about is home,
now that I'm home, I can't breathe.
HUMANS..
We're all idiotic humans.
We want everything but in the end,
we gain nothing.

I pretty much not contacting anyone.
More like I feel like I have no one to contact.
The only person I have in mind is Sophie,
but I'm scared of her.
So I kept running away from her but ended up back to her.

I'm just a lonely brat,
looking for something more,
to this life than just this,
dull grey life I'm living.

But I guess,
in the end,
I'm lost...
or maybe ...
suffocating in this prison.

The End

Writing as my Savior

Hello my faithful reader and my random readers,
Apologies to those that have waited for me to post something.
I have not done any proper blog post.
(as if I'm so famous, but I'm dedicating them to my beloved friends)

Last semester was somewhat stressful to me.
I have been more stress than I usually am.
I finally pissed off my classmates.
I blow apart,
I kept my distance from the world,
Broke down a couple of times.

I have a penpal from London...
err... wait...
Well, all I can say she's from England.
She might be the reason I stopped posting but no.
Replying to her requires once in a while,
but blog, I usually do daily if possible.

All I wanted to say about her is that,
she has been the one I'm channeling my stress to.
Not a very nice thing to do but somehow,
writing it down works better.

I'm an introvert.
I can't express myself well verbally.
I am timid and small,
The world eat me up.

Writing is how I scream to be remembered.
Writing is me speaking,
Writing is me standing up.
Writing is me.

As you can read the past post are all depressing,
So I'm going to try again.
I'm going to share my day with all of you.
With or without readers,
I'll survive.

A Picture She shared me, A Dandelion by her doorstep

That is all from me, 

eanaa is signing out from this post 

The End

Nightmares

Living became a nightmare,
Living became scary thing to do,
All I want is a way to escape this nightmare,
even for a little bit.

Let me live inside my dream,
My safe place,
They may give me hollow hug,
They may give me my own advice,
but they can never hurt me.

I have a favourite place,
In my dream,
where I would talk to one of them,
But somehow,
I rarely see it any more.

I'm too scared.
Nightmare is everywhere.

Is anyone out there?
Can anyone save me?
Please, please...
save me...

I'm not Fine!

Have you guys ever felt like takin everything head on until you can't take it anymore?

My feels like it is squeezed so hard. 

Torn and shred apart. 

My chest hurt. 

I want to quit studying. 

I never wanted to continue this. 

But because of my mum, I proceed with everything. 

I am not sure if I truly have friends here. 

Most of the time I feel so alone. 

No one bother to ask. 

No one bother to look close enough to see Im barely holding on. 

Trying to hold my pieces together. 

Stop calling me strong. 

Let me be weak. 

Let me cry and wail. 

Let me let it all out. 

If you are willing to listen. 

I want to quit masscomm

I want to quit sepresi. 

ENOUGH WITH THIS FAKE MASK!

Standing Alone

Hey Readers,

You gonna hate me for making this post. 

Once again, I am utterly depressed. 

Its 12am and I really want to call my mother. 

To tell her I want to quit studying. 

To tell her I cant handle this. 

To tell her I never wanted to study. 

To tell her I hate interacting with human involving emotions 

I am suit for this course only because I would do what my job needs me to. 

I socialize when needed. 

I hate others. I hate humans. 

I once said 'I would like to write a letter to those I care and just disappear'

There was only one person in my mind. 

It was my mum. 

I want to let her know. To tell her not to worry. I'll be fine, I just need sometime alone. 

I wont write to my friends. 

I cant really cry to anyone. 

Searching my phone for a number. 

The effort all went in vain. 

I called my high school friend but she's so far. 

She can't help me.

I cried to Allah but He's not replying me. 

Oh Allah, I am just a mere slave. 

You create me with a feeling that I need someone's warmth. 

But none are giving it to me. 

I know, tawakkal. Allah is there for you. 

But Allah wont give me the warmth I need. 

The pat in my head telling me I've done good. 

He would be watchig as I try to get through this. 

Am I able to?

I am standing alone with Allah as my watcher, protector and guider. 

There are times when I feel that Allah is the only one that loves me and cares for me. 

Where is my other half?

Where is my saviour?

Where is my salvation?

I do not even love myself...

I can handle the stress. 

But I cannot handle it when someone makes it seems as if I am not doing anything. 

As if I am at fault. 

Yes, I admit, I delay in doing everythig. 

But because I do not handle stress well. 

This is the moments I need my mother most. 

But I do not want to disturb her. 

Its late. And ...